I\u2019ve known you since you were born, which was when I was born. I\u2019m your evil twin. Everyone has one. I was a part of you until I wasn\u2019t. Then I watched you from the shadows\u2014alleyways, unfurnished basements, etcetera\u2014waiting to ruin your life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Put evil in front of your name and see how it makes you feel. Not great, right? Figured you were going to blame me anyway. Figured I\u2019d save you the trouble and prove you correct.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Funny thing is, I know a lot of evil twins who\u2019re good people, people who still give hitchhikers lifts, people who volunteer without a court order, yet they\u2019re labeled the bad half. You\u2019re probably thinking life\u2019s not fair, but that doesn\u2019t mean it shouldn\u2019t be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Anyway, I got back from a relaxing week of hiking and waterslide riding in the Poconos (yes, even evil twins take vacations) only to discover you did my job for me. I almost spat out my beer when your next-door neighbor\u2019s evil twin told me Jessica dumped you, that she caught you in bed with that Starbucks barista, the one you told your name was Jack because you thought it sounded cool.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I ran into your boss\u2019s evil twin, and she mentioned you were fired for embezzling an elderly couple\u2019s retirement fund, that you got on your knees and begged her not to press charges, that you swore you didn\u2019t do it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You blamed me. Like always, you hoped I\u2019d take the fall. A man who shares your face but nothing else. As much as I\u2019d love to add ruined my jerk twin\u2019s life to my resume, to take credit for your undoing, I can\u2019t. I don\u2019t want your charity. I was a little bummed it took you one week to accomplish something I\u2019ve been working on for decades. But evil twins shouldn\u2019t feel sorry for themselves. That\u2019s not a luxury we have.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So today, like most days, I followed you and watched. I followed you in the hopes, if I couldn\u2019t ruin your life, I could at least twist the knife a bit. I felt cheated, felt as if I sucked at my job, at my life\u2019s purpose.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I watched you steal money from the Starbucks barista\u2019s tip jar after she told you she didn\u2019t want to see you anymore. I watched you park your Hummer across three spaces. I watched you threaten to sue the guy interviewing you when he brought up your embezzlement charge. I watched you chuck your wingtip at the tow truck driver just doing his job. I watched you ask God what you did to deserve this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And now, seeing you sitting on the curb here crying, I no longer hate you. Maybe I never did. How could I? The way you blamed the curb for breaking your toe after you\u2019d kicked it. The way you said God as if you were owed something for being the good twin. No, I feel sorry for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You believed you were the good twin so nothing bad could happen to you. All I could do was watch, stuck in this belief\u2019s orbit. I stank at my job because it shouldn\u2019t have ever been my job. I couldn\u2019t ruin your life because, I realize now, that\u2019s not the kind of person I am.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
_____<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Will Musgrove is a writer and journalist from Northwest Iowa. He received an MFA from Minnesota State University, Mankato. His work has appeared or is forthcoming in <\/em>The Penn Review, <\/em>The Florida Review, <\/em>Pinch, <\/em>Passages North, <\/em>Tampa Review, and elsewhere. Connect on Twitter at @Will_Musgrove or at williammusgrove.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"