The elderly have asked us to stop bringing them by the bushel, but the kids won\u2019t stop making them and insist they\u2019re for the elderly. The children say it in this cryptic, eyes-askance way that feels ultimately very cute despite the momentary discomfort it elicits.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I obey the children diligently. I bring the stuffed arms they have made for the elderly to the elderly. If you want to understand what these \u201cstuffed arms\u201d are exactly, then let me explain it like this: using various fabrics, the children have sewn together appendage-style stuffed arms, filling them with all kinds of stuffing, from cotton to old newspaper. The fingers are sometimes mismatched in size and don\u2019t always conform to the normal human number of five digits per hand, and are occasionally missing thumbs entirely, but they\u2019re made with love \u2014 I think \u2014 and that\u2019s what counts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The arms are multi-colored because of the nature of the fabric available. The children have devoted all of their energy to the stuffed arms\u2019 creation, and that includes making do with the fabric available.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The children don\u2019t really play anymore, don\u2019t venture outside into the heat. They\u2019ve left all of their childish things to the side to make good on this goal, nebulous though it may be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They just keep stuffing the arms, sewing \u2018em up, and having me carry them off to the residences of elderly people: old folks\u2019 homes and the like.
The elderly have gotten wise, inasmuch as they no longer welcome me into their homes, apartments, and so forth. They pretend they aren\u2019t there, but I know they always are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019ve got your stuffed arms,\u201d I shout. \u201cFresh stuffed arms, gifts from the children.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve gotten good at discerning their whispers behind a locked door or through a window pane.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\u2019ve got a basement full of the stuff, Abner. I can\u2019t even move around down there anymore,\u201d one will say.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat do you want me to do about it, Edna? He\u2019s right out there, waiting, waiting patiently in that way he does, with that creepy smile on his face. It used to seem welcoming but now it seems wholly and purely evil. What do you want me to do about him? He\u2019ll just climb up to the roof and stuff the bag down our chimney if we sit here in silence and do nothing. He\u2019s got everything figured out. He\u2019s nine steps ahead. Dear God, if you\u2019re up there, please spare us. I apologize for any wavering in my devotion, but experiencing the nightmare of this never-ending delivery of stuffed arms has me justifiably questioning your existence,\u201d is a frequent reply.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After I finish stuffing the stuffed arms down that elderly couple\u2019s chimney and hear them shouting, \u201cNo, no, not again. What, what will relieve us of this hell?\u201d I move on to the next home, hoping to fill them with some semblance of cheer, and sadly, finding them equally disappointed by my arrival.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I have managed a conversation, some of the elderly ask me why I keep doing it, why I continue the children\u2019s deliveries. It gives me good reason for pause. I have to think about that one. The situation has changed so much from when I first started, when delivering the stuffed arms felt like a kind of charitable endeavor that would cement my name forever on the \u201cgood\u201d side of history.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That doesn\u2019t describe the work I\u2019m doing anymore, if it ever did. Obviously, the cuteness of the children\u2019s aspects has continued to motivate me, but that isn\u2019t the whole reason I endure in this role, either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I want the elderly to understand that what we\u2019re doing is good. Sometimes kindness comes in unusual forms, but does that make it any less kind than the more traditional alternatives? Sometimes kindness becomes a burden, like in my case, being entangled in a never-ending cycle of deliveries. Does that mean we should stop being kind?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No, I\u2019m not being honest, again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I find I can\u2019t lie, not to you. So I\u2019ll just come clean, I love the touch of the arms. It\u2019s not about kindness, and it never was, for me. It\u2019s about my feelings felt by the arms. They aren\u2019t real. I get it. But I believe it\u2019s a great gift to be surrounded by arms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Think of it. In a home full of arms, you\u2019ll never fail to receive a hug. You\u2019ll always know the feeling of being near someone else. You won\u2019t be so alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
You could be at your home, after a long day of delivering stuffed arms to the elderly, and you squeeze through the door, and all these arms are reaching for you (because your home is full of them, just as the elderly enjoy). They clap you on the back, go for a more casual handshake or embrace you entirely. You can\u2019t even make it to your sofa chair in front of your TV with your microwave dinner anymore, because of all the love and camaraderie that surrounds you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I can\u2019t understand why anyone wouldn\u2019t want that?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s far better than what I come home to now, the many cacti the children have paid me in, more all the time. It\u2019s an embrace, too, certainly, and I\u2019m grateful to have something rather than nothing, but I worry what might happen to me in the long run. Their spines are very sharp, and it\u2019s growing more difficult to keep from being wounded deeply on my way to my sofa chair with my microwaved dinner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
__________<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Matt Rowan lives in Culver City, CA. He edits Untoward and is author of the collections Big Venerable, Why God Why, and How the Moon Works (<\/em>Cobalt Press, 2021). His work has appeared or is forthcoming in <\/em>NUNUM\u2019s 2026 Opolis Anthology, <\/em>Twin Bird Review, <\/em>HAD, <\/em>scaffold, <\/em>Vol. 1 Brooklyn, <\/em>X-R-A-Y, <\/em>TRNSFR, and <\/em>Barrelhouse, among other publications<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"